With a Grateful Heart

I spent a few years, a few too many years, wondering why other people seemed to have so much more than me; more beauty, more 'things', more admirers. Of course, all superficial things, because in my heart of dirty hearts, I'm materialistic and selfish and discontent and envious. 

I thought it seemed unfair.  I thought I deserved more, too. 

But, then God did a number on my heart.  He slapped me around and humbled me to my core.  I felt my Spirit weep inside me for my ungratefulness.  I could feel God shaking his head saying, "Child, how can you not see ALL I have given you?  How do you not understand that you deserve NOTHING?"

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8  [emphasis mine.]

Let's start there...salvation alone-- an undeserved gift that I can NEVER repay.  That in and of itself should reduce me to my knees everyday in thanksgiving and humble worship.

But, then beyond that, I have been given so much-- now I realize, TOO much-- in this life. 

I just heard my baby girl say 'love you' (unsolicited) as I kissed her and put her down for a nap.  She just looked up at me and said 'love you'.  It wrecked my heart with love for her!  Those two little words out of her two little lips made my life complete.  I've rarely felt emotions this sudden and strong. 

I had to sit down and just weep.  As I was weeping, I said, "Lord, what have I done to deserve such gifts?  Why do you bless me so?  I just can't understand it.  All I can do in return is praise Your name.  Lay all honor and glory at Your feet.  And seek to be an empty vessel for Your service."

My heart aches as I remember the contrast of my current heart to the heart of my 15 year-old self.  Oh, how selfish and immature. 

May I never allow my heart to lose its gratefulness and may I strive to ever increase a heart of worship and thanksgiving to my King!



"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." - Philippians 4:6 [emphasis mine.]