Motherhood: My Only Gems

The first few weeks of motherhood were a tough adjustment for me, as I'm sure they are for most new mothers.  I had a myriad of emotions playing out and when you are in the thick of things with a tiny newborn and precious little sleep, your mind starts playing tricks on you...How did I get pregnant so soon?  James and I had so much more to do just the two of us!  What happened to the fabulous career I wanted for so long?  Is this all I will be (meaning a mother) for the rest of my life?  Why am I not enjoying this as much as I thought I would?  I even thought...How much is this baby going to cost us?

I felt Selfish Leslie rear her big, ugly head and it wasn't pretty.  While I never EVER questioned my complete LOVE and devotion to my little angel or once doubted my decision to be a 'stay-at-home' mom, I lamented the fact that it had come so soon.  When I had 'so many more things to accomplish'...or so I thought.  But, slowly and surely (sometimes painfully) God revealed the selfishness of my heart and together we worked through it.  I realized motherhood requires a true unselfish love and each day got easier and easier -- not that they were all fun and perfect, but that God gave me the strength to see my ultimate purpose of affecting my children's lives for eternity -- to serve His sweet name and bring Him all the glory.

I sit here today and I can't imagine being anywhere else or doing anything else.  This is my calling.

“She came tonight as I sat alone, the girl I used to be…
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye and questioned reproachfully;

Have you forgotten the many plans and hopes that I had for you?
The career, the splendid fame, and all the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height with all of its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you and the jewels in your hair?

And as she spoke, I was very sad for I wanted her pleased with me…
This slender girl from the shadowy past the girl that I used to be
So gently rising, I took her hand, and guided her up the stair
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay innocent, sweet, and fair.

And I told her that these are my only gems, and precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love, and the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls for the dear ones who come and go.

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest, she smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw that the woman that I am now, pleased the girl I used to be.

- Author Unknown
Quoted in Womanly Dominion by Mark Chanski